I remember I almost joined a declamation contest back in my elementary days. However, our adviser thought I am not convincing to ask for alms as I was chubby back in the days.. Until now, I still feel bad I was oozing with cuteness.. I mean fats back then that this opportunity slipped. It's like reaching until compression stage in a combustion cycle only to find out that your spark plugs are not working. Like you bought a ticket and was not able to come. I think that's one of my most memorable disappointments.

    My Inay Vianca saw the piece and said she is skeptical that vengeance is God's. It makes it sound like God has a bad side. Anyway, here's the piece. (Read with feelings... Haha!)

VENGEANCE IS NOT OURS IT'S GOD'S

Alms, alms, alms. Spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am a child so young, so thin, and so ragged.
Why are you staring at me? With my eyes I cannot see but I know that you are all staring at me. Why are you whispering to one another? Why? Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? Did you know me five years ago? Yes, five years of bitterness have passed. I can still remember the vast happiness mother and I shared with each other. We were very happy indeed.
Suddenly, five loud knocks were heard on the door and a deep silence ensued. Did the cruel Nippon's discover our peaceful home? Mother ran to Father's side pleading. "Please, Luis, hide in the cellar, there in the cellar where they cannot find you," I pulled my father's arm but he did not move. It seemed as though his feet were glued to the floor.
The door went "bang" and before us five ugly beasts came barging in. "Are you Captain Luis Santos?" roared the ugliest of them all. "Yes," said my father. "You are under arrest," said one of the beasts. They pulled father roughly away from us. Father was not given a chance to bid us goodbye.
We followed them mile after mile. We were hungry and thirsty. We saw group of Japanese eating. Oh, how our mouths watered seeing the delicious fruits they were eating,
Then suddenly, we heard a voice call, "Consuelo. . . . Oscar. . . . Consuelo. . . . Oscar. . . . Consuelo. . . . Oscar. . . ." we ran towards the direction of the voice, but it was too late. We saw father hanging on a tree. . . . dead. Oh, it was terrible. He had been badly beaten before he died. . . . and I cried vengeance, vengeance, vengeance! Everything went black. The next thing I knew I was nursing my poor invalid mother.
One day, we heard the church bell ringing "ding-dong, ding-dong!" It was a sign for us to find a shelter in our hide-out, but I could not leave my invalid mother, I tried to show her the way to the hide-out.
Suddenly, bombs started falling; airplanes were roaring overhead, canyons were firing from everywhere. "Boom, boom, boom, boom!" Mother was hit. Her legs were shattered into pieces. I took her gently in my arms and cried, "I'll have vengeance, vengeance!" "No, Oscar. Vengeance, it's God's," said mother.
But I cried out vengeance. I was like a pent-up volcano. "Vengeance is mine not the Lord's". "No, Oscar. Vengeance is not ours, it's God's" these were the words from my mother before she died.
Mother was dead and I was blind. Vengeance is not ours? To forgive is divine but vengeance is sweeter.
That was five years ago, five years. . . .
Alms, alms, alms. Spare me a piece of bread. Spare me your mercy. I am a child so young, so thin, and so ragged. Vengeance is not ours, it's God's. . . . It's. . . . God's. . It's...

Sorry naman.. Pero talagang nagustuhan ko itong song na ito.. Tipong kantang pinapangarap ko lang kantahin sakin.. Hahahaha! Hanggang pangarap lang marahil iyon. Bagong dagdag sa videoke list namin nina Kai nee at Mama Diowee. Hehe!

 

Far Away

by Nickelback

 This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Habang lulan ng LRT2 patungong Pureza, napansin ko ang isang Berso sa Metro na nagsasabing:

 

Lahat ay dadaan at lahat ay maiiwan,

Pero tayo ay dadaan,

Dadaang gumagawa ng daanan,

Daanan sa ibabaw ng karagatan.

 

Sa wakas meron na akong pwedeng libangan habang nakatayong nag-aantay makarating sa Pureza. Iyon ay ang mga nakapaskil na Berso sa metro na nagsasabing: Espanyol. Malapit sa ating kultura. Just a station away. (gudlak naman kung tama ang berso na yun)

   " I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain; What a wonderful feeling, I'm happy again. "        - Arthur Freed -

   Mula sa binyag ni Frost, matapos kaming malate ni Kai nee sa binyag (Sorry naman nee...) at lumamon sa reception (totoo! lalo na ang plato ni Kai nee---diet siya sobra.. LOL), kami ay nagtungo naman upang isalba ang mundo ni Mama Diowee mula sa sama ng loob.

   Naalala ko dati pag masama ang loob ko nagtutungo kami ni Kai nee sa Timezone upang magvideoke o di kaya nama'y mag-food trip kung saan-saan. Subalit ngayong araw na ito, hindi naman masama ang aking loob. Sadyang kantang-kanta lang ako. Haha! Isa pa, pag nag-aya si Mama Manidyer Diowee ng ganitong lakad, dalawa lang ang pwedeng dahilan. Maaaring namimiss niya kami ( na sa palagay ko naman ay totoo dahil kamissmiss naman kami ni nee) o di kaya'y masama ang loob niya.

   Matagal din mula ng huling nagjamming sa Timezone kaya't nagkape muna at nagchikahan sa Starbucks kung saan walang kahihiyan naming pinagkukunan ng larawan ang aming mga sarili. Tsaka dumiretso sa Timezone.

   At sa unang pagkakataon ay napabirit si Mama Diowee sa kantang If it Makes You Happy ni Sheryl Crow. Naisip ko tuloy sadya sigurong walang mapagbuntungan ng sama ng loob si Mama kaya't halos kainin na niya ang mikropono. Nakaugalian na naming gawing pressure relief valve ang Timezone pag may dinaramdam. Mahirap din kasing naiipon sa loob ng fuel tank ang presyon baka sumabog. Gusto ko rin lang itala na napakanta ng songs ni Regine si Kai nee na pinamagatang Dadalhin  at Pangako. Bagay na ikinagulat ko dahil ako lang naman samin ang may motto na "Aim High" pag nasa Timezone.

   Ano kaya ang gustong i-release na tensiyon ni Kai nee? Gusto kong bumuo ng mga hinala subalit si Jeje lang ang Hinalist eh. Alam ko na dahil napagastos siya ng malaki sa uniform ni bunso.

   At ako? Di naman ako nawawalan ng pressure at lungkot. Pero di naman masama ang aking loob. Marahil itatakwil na ako ng Timezone kung puro na lang sama ng loob ang ibubuhos ko sa mikropono. Pero pag kumakanta ako, pakiwari ko'y naisisigaw ko sa mundo ang nararamdaman ko. At ngayong araw na ito, kasiyahan ang aking isinigaw.. Kasiyahan na makasama ang mga taong pinapahalagahan ko. Pasasalamat sa mga taong nagmamahal at nakakaalala sakin.. At higit sa lahat kasiyahan na madamayan si Mama Diowee sa kanyang nararamdaman.. Pambawi man lang sa mga MIA days namin ni Kai nee.. Andito lang kami ni Kai nee Mama Diowee.. At sigurado akong ganun din ang nararamdaman ng iba pa.. Hinga ng malalim.. Ready? Sing!!!

 

Arguments are allergens to me. They bug me till I can no longer sleep. I have no reasons to stay bothered when I argue with someone I don't really care for. Plus I have this habit to stay quiet and understand. Pretty much like an intercooler of a car that makes me avoid overheating. But today, I argued with a friend. More like a brother to me.. And now I feel like a combustion too lean.. I guess not feeling well + stimulus = irritation today.

I noticed I irritate him a lot. A LOT. Emphasize the LOT there. It seems like the whole week is incomplete without our usual drama. I will irritate him now, he'll get mad and then we'll be okay later. Then back to the cycle. But today is the worst. I was told to never come to him ever again and it's the most serious of all the drama episodes. And I don't understand how a simple argument turned out to be a disaster. And this is the first time I argued with my friend. So I just uttered with my usual overacting, "Doushite?????"

I am hurting right now.. He is avoiding me.. I really don't understand how he can just ignore me like I never existed in his era.. Doushiyo!!!!!!!

So yeah I'm back from being lost in space. And I'll walk in without that sad look upon my face. Yes! I did survive. Lately, I tasted solitude. Once again I've proven that my intransigence brought me nowhere and has only given me pain. I am so thankful that I am blessed with extraordinary friends.

I thought recording the lessons I've learned this month would be good.

1. Better be late than never. ------- by Pao (so cliche but it works sometimes Pao thank you)

2. I still love Yoshinoya. LOL

3. EMO Yuri is very weird and a bit boring.

4.  Exaggerated sadness makes me lose appetite.

5. Going to videoke or dining with Kai nee is a good habit to release stress.

6. We are a republic... Ok. Cool!!! ---Jason (I like the thought of being a republic)

7. Jeje talks slowly but reacts and thinks fast.

8. Move on. It's a lost case. ---------Beber (so true. thanks for waking me up)

9. Not all paintings are abstract. Just a difference of perception. 

10. The truth is I am Ironman.. ----Sorry it should be ironwoman.

That's it. I'm backkkkkkkk!!!!

   February 29. Today is my last day in Thomson. Last day of my double shift superwoman schedule.

 

   Last Friday was my farewell party (as well as Bless' birthday party). I don' really want to cry when asked to say something. But I suddenly felt sad. The people you've worked with. Those familiar faces you see almost everyday. Those smiles and laughs will no longer be present in Pasig.

 

   For one month, I worked for both Thomson and my new company. And though I'm tired I still want to report to both. Although, working on a double shift for almost a month is difficult, it relieves me to think I can still spend a few days in the world that nurtured me for almost two years. Probably, I'm showing gratitude towards the people who accepted me despite my obvious imperfections. Next week, I'm totally in a different world… A different dimension it may seem…

 

   Mixed emotions really… When I think about it, I have a lot to leave behind… My long time friends and people that I'm just beginning to like… Next month, everything's going to change. I no longer have to tease our senior analyst for her religious dieting nor do I stir Alen. I would no longer hear Jammppong and Papa Allan tease Anna. No more concerts. No more Sunday Rewinds. Nor will I be able to pose for Dale though I try to act more human now. Because Dale may take those so called "scandals" again. LOL! 

  

   But I do have special memories to bring with me about Thomson. Like how I took black and white pictures before Christmas vacation. It was actually something that I wanted to do. How Alen and I complain how tired we are. How we eagerly wait for lunchtime. How Anna scolds me for low productions. How we've waited MGE taxis. How we fulfill the Beauty and Wellness theme. Those were the days I thought will never eat a lot but didn't. And those were the days we tried to laugh at our shortcomings. Laughing at how we get busted in our calls. We even have a skirt day, red day, yellow day and all whenever there's an occasion.

 

   I'll miss those familiar faces I've been with since CPU days. How we went biking after a 9pm to 6am shift. The Tagaytay outing. The mall tours. My sampaguita walk out. LOL! The Nihongo lessons with Francis-sempai. I'll miss the TFHM company: the manidyer, MF, BF, ED, the Singer, the Barker, and bouncers. I still laugh whenever I remember the drunkard's session in last year's Subic company outing. How did I ever get involved with such B.I.s? LOL!

 

   My work life and social life in Thomson was memorable. I am happy I joined the Christmas party committee. I was even a part of an Ifugao dance presentation "Idau" in Shang-ri-la hotel. That was like "what, who, me?" Have I not interviewed Aya about corporate social responsibility topics, I would've had a choice not to perform. But since I like Full Metal Alchemist, I respected the law of equivalent exchange. The last folk dance performance I remember was way back in high school days.

 

   Recently, I met a lot of people who are anime fanatics like me. There are those who are interested with the language as well. I met people that are really nice though they're not anime fanatics. And now I'm leaving. But I'm happy I met such cool people. And yes, there'll be a coffee break with Ro session next week and a breakfast and concert with Tara within March.

 

   Although it's not really goodbye, I feel sad that I can no longer disturb them during their working hours... LOL

 

   I'll miss you guys…

   Double shift kasi ako ngayon. Puyat na puyat at lahat. Naisip ko na matulog na lang every lunchbreak. Tutal pwede na akong kumain sa 15-minute break namin.

   So kaninang ala-una, naisipan kong matulog uli. May tatlong palapag ang mga kama sa kuwarto. Dahil mabagal kumilos ay puno na ang una at pangalawang palapag. Wala akong magawa kundi akyatin ang pangatlong palapag na sobrang lamig at halos mauntog na ako dahil malapit na siya sa kisame. Matapos ang halos isang oras na paghiga na parang di naman ako nakatulog, bigla na lang ako napaisip. Sobrang taas. Paano ako bababa? Siyempre sa hagdan na ginamit ko. Kelangan pa bang i-memorize yun?

   Sanay kasi ako sa double deck. Kung kaya, ilang baitang pa lang ay bumitiw na ako. At sa pagbitiw kong yun ay nagising lahat ang cells ko. Heller? Mataas pa kaya.

   "Blag!"

   Pahiga ang pagbagsak ko. Akala ko noo'y ako na lamang at yung asa pangalawang palapag ang naroon. Walang nabali. Gusto ko sanang magsabi ng, "Aray" pero ang mas masakit sa aking pagbagsak ay ang pagbagsak ko sa harap ng isang lalaki na di ko naman kilala.

   Kunwari patay malisya ang mama. Kunwari ay nagising siya dahil sa kalabog. Siyempre sa isip ko, "Yes! Di ako napansin..Thank you lord!!! Raise the roof.."

   Pangit naman kung sabihin kong,"Meooowwww...." Sabi ko na lang.. "Sorry.."

   Nung tumayo na ako at kukunin ang aking naiwang gamit, napansin kong pinipigilan niyang ngumiti. Mukhang pigil na pigil. At mukhang binagsakan na ako ng langit dahil may nakakita sa akin. Sa isip kaya niya mula pangatlong palapag ako nahulog? Ano man ang kanyang maisip ay wala nang makakapagpabago na nahulog ako mula itaas.

   Kung di kaya muna ako gumalaw nun. Kunwari grabe ang bagsak. Tapos pag lumapit siya, sasabihin ko, "Kaya mo yun???" Hindi... OA na.. Wala na ako magagawa.

   Parang malulusaw ako nang makita ko siya papasok sa floor. At parang nahulog din lang ako sa hagdan namin sa dorm mula taas hanggang baba. Salamat na lang at paupo. Masakit pa rin.. At may nakakita rin.. T_T

   At yun din ay nangyari pagkatapos ko matulog.

   Ano ang aking mga natutunan?

   1. Maghintay ng ilang minuto upang magising ang diwa bago bumaba. 
   2. Clumsy pala ako. (pangalawa na to ha, di na nakakatuwa!!!)
   3. Hindi lahat ng hindi nag-react ay walang nakita. (at talagang napeke niya ako)
   4. Hindi lahat ng higaan double deck. (hmmppfff! sanay pa man din ako sa baba)
   5. Pag hindi mo pala close ang nakita mong nahulog, pipigilan mong matawa. (takot kaya siyang mabatukan ko siya???)
   6. Mabigat pala ako. (kaya pala overweight ang assessment ko sa APE at balak ko pang awayin ang advice nyang, "change your lifestyle")
   7. Iisipin ng iba na tanga ka. (haaayyyy! Kahit na, at least di ako nabalian.. Yun na lang isipin ko.. LOL)

   Natatawa pa rin ako hanggang ngayon pag naaalala ko siya...

I was forwarded a website last night. And seeing a scholarship program to study in Japan made me want to submit my application form.

I don't think I am qualified but still I have these what ifs in mind. I only imagined myself visiting the country for sometime but this time it's a two-year stay. I imagined myself meeting Yoko-nechan and Sarie-chan on weekends. Ah Kazuhito-san is also in Tokyo.It would be nice to meet their family.

Moreover, I am so happy with the thought that I can stroll on the land I thought I can only see in jdoramas and pictures. Now, there is an opportunity to experience the coolness. Not just the coolness, I will be there to study, so it is like a double-edged sword cutting me in my self.

According to a friend, it is so hard to apply for such grants. Hmmnnn.. Okay, so let's dream. What if I was given the chance to study there? That's two years! For pete's sake, two long years.

I want to see the Tokyo Tower and Mount Fuji. I want to eat a lot of gyoza there... I want to see cosplayers in Harajuku.. Hahaha! It would really be fun...

But right now, I'm just dreaming and may remain dreaming.. ^_^

   Say tua, anengneng ko may blog na amigok. Ilocano so blog to. Anggapoy planok ya man-Pangalatok ed amin ya entry pero gabay ko labat so mansalita na Pangalatok.. Alig-alig ya maung di ba?

   Nen linma ak diad Manila, agay lay kasi bilay ko ta anggapoy nakatungtong kon Pangalatok. Makasalita ak met na Filipino siyempre tan daiset ya Ilocano pero anapen ko nin siyempre iray salitan binalegan ko.. Iray salitan narerengel ko, peleg kon wadyad Pangasinan.. Tan siyempre makakailiw ak ed pamilyak.. Inpilit ko labat ingen ah ya onla ak dia. Kuanen mommy nen saman, "Dia ka la ta pian no walay problemam, natulungan mi ka". Ya inebatan kon singa matakken na, "Aliwa met ya buon bilay ko wadtan kayo ya naynay". Singa tua met..  Pinamayag ira laingen.. Maliket ak ed amin ya suporta ya inter ed siak na pamilyak.. ^_^

   Karakel ya agew ya diad nunot ko, gabay ko lay onsempet. Balet no onsempet ak, antoy gaween ko diman. Panun la ra may gabay ko ni ya gaween. Karakel iray totoon gabay kon nanengneng lamet pero abayag la may panaon ya halos agew-agew ah nakaulop ira. Atabunan la. Kabat da ak ni kasi. Gabay da ak nin kaiba. Maliket ni ra kasin nanengneng ak. Ampan andi la.. Wala lay sarilin bilay da ya agak la kailangan. Aliwa lan singa nen saman ya sobran maliket iray agew na kaogawan. Agto kami la sarag ya mangalaw ed uma. Manerel na katattey. Hahahaha! Yuck la natan no nunoten..

   Say arum angasawa la. Say arum, agko la anta no iner so kulaan da. Maliket ak met ingen ya walay nanunotan ko no makakailiw ak. Madrama met. Pero anggan maminsan labat, gabay kon nakaiba ira ed sakey ya agew. Ya makapangalaw tan manelekan singa nen saman.

   Walay kaklasik nen saman ya inusilan to ak ed uma. Babalawen to ak kasi ya singa ak baboy. Siyempre ansakit met anggan daiset. Katon inbagak ya singa bakes. Katawan! Inusilan to ak habang tutupaken to ak na binaka. Kaimbuwas, absent. Manaya, walay hika to. Ginmawan kasalanan ko laingen.

   Dakdakel ya agawa nen saman. Balet akin et singa ag ko la nanunutan so liket.. so sakit.. Singa antak met la ingey ebat.. Akulaw ak la siguro ka to.. Hahahaha!

   Pero nen elementary, nanunutan ko ni ya akurunyas ak ed pukok paunlad abung na kaklasik. Insan nen camping ed Lareg-Lareg et singa Thriller/Horror so theme. Natan makaelek ak no nanunotan ko so kuwento na kabilan troop ya inakan na anyani so atsara da. Anisia ak met. Nansabuy kami ni asin tan belas ed tent mi. Hahahaha!

   Hay! Kumon, walay reunion anggan madalas ya agto ak sarag.. Hahahaha!